


everything has changed

by orphan_account



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24358927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Charity and Vanessa have the moment they need after weeks of not seeing eye to eye.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83





	everything has changed

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you @floralvanity on twitter for the inspo <3 and thanks sillycharityx and waterybrains here on ao3 for their assistance (whose fics are more worth reading than this one x)

She runs the brush through her thinning hair as gently as possible, her heart sinking every time a new clump is stolen by the bristles. The days of the high ponytail are over. It’s been replaced by a tight style tied low; the way she’s found shows the least amount of hair loss. Vanessa tries not to look too long in the mirror these days, the sight of her sunken eyes and pale skin just reminding her how ill she is. She thinks about the last time she felt beautiful: what should have been her wedding day. It feels like a million years ago now, so much has changed since then. The lying, Pierce, the cancer, Johnny’s guardianship. Charity and Vanessa have been close to breaking point multiple times over the last few months, and she’s acutely aware that a lot of the recent drama has been due to her own irrational behaviour. She wishes there was a way to make it up to Charity, and wishes she could promise her their happy ever after. Their forever. But the pills she pulls out of her drawer are a stark reminder of their life now. The uncertainty of whether she’ll survive. Sometimes it feels as if Charity can’t get away from her fast enough, she certainly never used to care about being late to work or making sure Bob wasn’t left in the lurch. Other times it’s like she can’t breathe with her hovering, suffocating her. When she rationalises it, thinks objectively, she knows she is so lucky to have Charity and knows how difficult it must be for her. Not only seeing the person you love sick, but sticking around when things get tough has been so alien to Charity before this relationship. Something about that fact makes Vanessa feel more special than she’d ever admit, and that’s what she holds onto when Charity puts a foot wrong and tests her patience.

After the initial bad blood surrounding Johnny and his guardianship if the worst were to happen, it’s important for Vanessa to see Charity and Rhona have cleared the air. She invites Rhona around for lunch, knowing that Charity is on a later shift so has no excuses for missing it. 

It’s awkward at first, Vanessa worrying that Charity and Rhona are only pretending to be civil for her sake, but they soon relax. Charity seems distracted, constantly checking her phone as if waiting for an important message. But she makes conversation with Rhona and Vanessa is touched by the lengths she’s going to to be friendly. A huge contrast from just a few days ago, spitting cruel words at her and calling her a screw up. Rhona seems happy, her recent deal with Moira and the farm having lifted a huge weight from her shoulders; it’s the first time she’s seemed like she could be happy again since Graham died. Vanessa lets her mind wander to the worst case scenario. If she isn’t around anymore she’s confident that Rhona and Charity will be okay. They may never be the best of friends but they’ll take care of each other; Rhona will make sure Charity is coping, offering childcare whenever she can. 

Not long after clearing up Charity is already making her excuses to leave, claiming Chas needs help a bit early because of something happening with Paddy and Eve. 

“What time will you be home?” Vanessa asks, disappointed.

“I’m not sure,” but don’t wait up babe you’ll be shattered,” Charity replies quickly, pressing a rushed kiss to Vanessa’s cheek.

“I’ll have a nap this afternoon, was thinking we could sit down and watch a film again?” Vanessa suggests nervously, paranoia about what’s causing Charity’s erratic behaviour setting in again.

“We’ll see yeah? I’ll text you.”

It’s not the response she was hoping for but she manages a weak smile and tries to hide the upset from Rhona, who soon makes her excuses and follows Charity out the door.

* * *

“What was that?” Rhona runs after Charity, evidently unimpressed.

“What was what?”

“Brushing Vanessa off like that,” Rhona can tell from the guilty look on her face that Charity knows exactly what she’s talking about. “This is the behaviour that makes her worried you can’t handle it.”

“Oh gossip about how unreliable I am often do you? Why don’t you head back inside and talk about me some more while I’m out your hair.”

“I will if you don’t tell me what’s going on,” she threatens.

“Not very good at minding your own business are you? I’m trying to hire a private investigator to find Kirin alright? I know Ness hates secrets and lies but she really doesn’t need the added stress right now. But I can’t look her in the eye without feeling guilty that I’m keeping this from her.”

“You know I would be the first to tell you if you weren’t doing the right thing,” Charity scoffs, remembering the multiple occasions she’s been subject to Rhona lectures. “But she mentioned to Diane that what she’s focussing on to help her through this round of chemo is good news about the adoption. I know it feels wrong but if the private investigator can’t help then you’ll tell her, you’re just setting the wheels in motion so you hopefully have good news to share. I really do think she’ll understand Charity, you’re doing the right thing.”

Charity just nods, not entirely convinced.

“But you’re not doing the right thing by avoiding her,” Rhona continues when Charity fails to speak. “Ness hates needing people but she needs you Charity. Make her feel special yeah? Put all the arguments to bed, you’ve come to a decision about Johnny and now she just wants things to feel as normal as possible.”

* * *

Charity gets home earlier than Vanessa was expecting, entering Jacob’s Fold as quietly as possible in case she finds Ness asleep on the sofa again, but she’s awake nursing a cup of Diane’s disgusting tea and watching some animal documentary.

“I hope this isn’t the film you’ve got in mind for tonight, I’ll be asleep before the titles are over babe.”

“I wasn’t sure we’d even be getting to watch a film, thought you’d have to stay later?”

“Come on you know me better than that, I’m practically a professional skiver.” Charity winks, reminiscing the early days of their relationship when she’d bunk off at any given opportunity to spend time with Vanessa.

“I wasn’t sure you wanted to spend much time alone with me at the moment is all.”

“I’m sorry about earlier I was just getting myself stressed over nothing. I  _ always  _ want to spend time with you. I’ll just clean the place up and then I’m all yours,” Charity smiles, tucking a piece of hair behind Vanessa’s ear.

“Can’t you just leave them?” Vanessa asks, doing a great impression of Moses whining when he wants something, gesturing to the dirty dishes piling up in the sink from the kid’s tea.

“It won’t take long, better to get them out the way before you force me to watch another 

kid’s film.”

“Matilda is not just a kid’s film. It’s a film about a child who takes solace in books to escape her traumatic home life and tries to escape the wrath of her malicious headteacher. It’s a story about justice! It’s-”

“Babe I’m pretty sure it’s a film directed at children.” Charity interrupts. 

“I first watched it as a kid and it traumatised me so much I was scared to go to school in case Mrs Trunchbull turned up actually.”

“That doesn’t make it not a kid’s film, that just makes young Vanessa a bit of a wimp. Besides, you’re overthinking a film where a six year old can move things with her mind, it’s not exactly realistic is it.”

“It’s a story Charity, it doesn’t have to be realistic.”

“You’re telling me! The adoption process is definitely not just a few signatures and you’re sorted.”

“We’ll get there, you’ll legally be his other mum in no time.”

“Too right babe,” Charity half heartedly agrees, still harbouring the secret about Kirin’s involvement in the whole thing. “Told you it wouldn’t take long, just give me a minute to clean the counters.”

The insecurity creeps back in, Charity is busying herself to keep the house as germ free as possible to take care of her but Vanessa can’t help worrying that she’s trying to avoid spending time together.

“Charity ju-. Can you just hold me for a minute?” Vanessa asks while avoiding eye contact, not used to directly asking for what she needs in place of putting on a brave face.

Her face softens immediately and Charity doesn’t hesitate to tear off the rubber gloves and throw them into the sink to pull Vanessa into a hug. Her head rests perfectly beneath her chin, it’s been a while since they hugged like this, reminding Charity that it’s been too long since she made a joke at the expense of Vanessa and her height.

“What’s the matter babe?”

“Nothing particularly. Sometimes I just need a Charity cuddle.”

“Like mother like son hey?” They both smile at the memory of Johnny cuddling up to Charity in their bed while the four of them watched a film, and when asked if the film was scaring him he responded “No. Just want a Charity cuddle.” It had melted their hearts immediately, once again highlighting just how obvious the option of having Charity adopt Johnny had been this whole time. 

As they’re standing there, Vanessa finally able to relax in Charity’s arms, a new song starts on the radio and a familiar tune floods the room.

_ Look at the stars, _

_ Look how they shine for you, _

Vanessa notices Charity is subtly swaying from side to side, a soft grip around her wasit.

“Charity Dingle,” Vanessa says her name softly, Charity can tell by her voice that she’s smiling before she steps back to look at her face. “Are you...dancing?”

“What? No! I was just shifting my weight, I’ve been standing behind a bar for hours you know!”

“Oh come on don’t ruin it! I was enjoying imagining our first dance.”

“Well if you insist,” Charity winks, pulling away from the hug to offer Vanessa her hand, “Vanessa Woodfield, may I have this dance?”

And as cheesy as they both know it is, they dance around their kitchen beaming at each other and for a few moments Vanessa is able to forget just how much everything has changed.


End file.
